Project Redlight

Given the season that's in it, it was only a question of time before the combined creative executive forces of Hollywood united to bring you a movie bearing the title Fred Claus.

Fred Claus, for those who haven't seen it, relates the story of Santa's younger sibling ? a repo man who is the polar opposite to his rotund brother. His nasty endeavours threaten to destroy Christmas and it's going to take more than Rudolph to set things right.

But it's a bit late. Things might have been set right when the idea was first mooted, had it been rejected out of hand. Even allowing for Hollywood standards, it's hard to see how a premise so banal could proceed further than an after dinner joke.

If common sense prevailed in La La Land, all persons involved with Fred Claus would have been given the sack ? and not the one filled with presents.

Sadly, when it comes to this kind of thing ? Hollywood has history. Today's website lists some of the worst pitches of all time. Unsurprisingly, the idea for a film called Homeless Friends (a sitcom like Friends, except with homeless characters who reside in Central Park, not Central Perk) never made it to celluloid.

Who could resist the story of a down-on-his-luck horse who just can't seem to win the big one until one day he stumbles upon a pair of magic tennis shoes to run in! Well, absolutely everybody it seems because this never rolled into production.

For the aspiring barrel scraping scriptwriter, the website has an exciting challenge. They're running a competition to find the most unbearably awful title of all time. Celebrity judge Harvey Weinstein will present the victor with a personal certificate and a stack of DVDs.

It's the kind of competition where talent is by no means necessary and the worse the idea, the better the chance. Sadly, it's only open to residents of the USA, so Irish scribes won't be able to enter.

For a country that's famous for making yarns, we could probably punch above our weight when it comes to nonsense ideas. For the time being, what a pity it is to have to shelve that script about the leprechaun who overcame adversity to become Santa's Little Helper or the cow who married Rudolf!

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