My first drink of alcohol was normal but normality soon disappeared. Here is something that numbs all the pain and allows me time away from myself. Getting “out of my head” was the something that was missing in my life. How could such a substance provide all the answers?
It didn’t provide much for long. Soon I needed more for the same effect and drank to get drunk. There was never anything social about it. I didn’t like the taste of alcohol and loved the buzz.
What buzz? I felt confident, fearless, less anxious, funny and capable of anything. It removed all inhibitions and became a good friend to me!
Soon the friendship turned sour. I wasn’t able to function without being half full. I would have a few drinks before I went out, sneaked in a few while no one watched at the bar and would have a supply at home for when the night ended. I couldn’t understand how people could just have a few and call it a night.
Before long, I was controlled by alcohol. Life had become different. Simple tasks became more difficult. Jobs were won and lost. My head was wrecked and my peace of mind disappeared. Hangovers were cruel and blackouts very much part of each day. I had no control when drink was picked up. I couldn’t stop and didn’t want to stop. I kept thinking it will pass and all will be OK.
It got a lot worse. Hospital visits and interventions by mental health services proved fruitless, I didn’t want to stop, so I did everything to hold on to the one thing that was helping me cope! Ironic that it was slowly taking away everything from me bit by bit. There were many rock bottoms but to no avail.
What happened? I had enough. How long more could I allow alcohol to control me? Time was running out. I admitted to myself and another person the extent of my addiction. The truth was out and what a relief. I needed time to get away and have an honest look at myself.
I had heard of a 12 week residential programme at Cuan Mhuire, Coolarne, Athenry. I rang and asked for help.
So the recovery journey began. It’s not easy having to have a good look at yourself and where life has taken you.
I wanted to get well and stay well and this opportunity was available to me in Cuan Mhuire. I was guided daily during my time there by all I came in contact with.
The relief to find others who had some of the same experiences as me was immense.
I wasn’t mad and just needed to get myself back on track.
Life is different now. I am living again. Alcohol is an enemy and sobriety is the new friend.
I remind myself daily of my addiction and avail of all the supports out there.
The support from all is truly special. I arrest my addiction one day at a time. I can’t and don’t forget the torture alcoholism put me through. That was then and now I live life fully and truly free.