Everyone's favourite dictionary, the Oxford English, defines 'fittest' as 'of a suitable quality, standard, or type to meet the required purpose'. In a further entry, it says 'Brit. informal sexually attractive'.

In the sexual jungle facing us all, the definition of 'fittest' has mutated into a terrifying hybrid animal, with characteristics never seen in the writings of Mr Darwin, or the National Geographic.

I can just imagine David Attenborough now.

"The female, with teeth bared as a warning sign to other predators, flicks its hair, the universal mating call. Its plumage, dyed a striking brass shade, has been lengthened to further the look of femininity.

"Much like a baboon, the animal has bared its most striking assets in an attempt to lure the male. Like our more common household pets, this animal sheds its coat frequently, though more in line with the mating season than the weather.'

Tanned, plucked, waxed, buffed and whitened into a caricature of ourselves, it's no wonder men find women terrifying. I find women terrifying and I am one.

Even for those of us not currently engaged in the primary stages of the mating ritual, the competition is fierce. An ordinary night out, for example, can begin with a group of girls deciding that 'jeans and a top' is the way to go.

Next thing you know, Mary wants to wear a new skirt she's just bought, while Molly decides her figure is better served by skyscraper heels and a top that hardly exists. Then Máire wants to wear a dress because John she met last week might be out and she has a "really, really good feeling" about this one.

Before you know it the other group members look like the 'good-looking' girls of Girls Aloud, while you look like the pale red head with bad teeth who is pushed to the back for photoshoots, only to resurface for the chorus. You see, you stand no chance of standing out, or surviving, unless, that is, you learn to adapt.

Because, as in nature, if you are not the fittest, you have to adapt to your surroundings to survive. You may not be on the pull, and being attractive to men might be the last thing on your mind, but the whole 'survival of the fittest' theory is based on the idea that the fittest not only survive, but prosper, while the weaker specimens tend to wilt, fade and die out.